Life is but fragments of time. The seconds between seconds between seconds wherein one blinks, inhales, and exhales. Insignificant on their own, yet an entire orbit around the sun added together. History. Evolution. Aging. Significance made up of insignificance. How will you know when you’re part of history? That you’re evolving? Or that you’re growing old? Oh, but you are! Just now, right here, at this very moment. We are given but few instances to acknowledge the true weight of the passage of time. Without birthdays, anniversaries, and the anticipation of a New Year, might we simply forget that the Earth has made another round trip? Might we lay in meadows staring up so long that the stars begin to vanish in the night sky? Is there a consequence to that sort of life? Might a balance be found? As Amor Towles explained so well in A Gentleman in Moscow, “Quite simply, the Count’s father had believed that while a man should attend closely to life, he should not attend too closely to the clock.” And with that very same energy, I enter into 2026.
As I do every year, I want to talk about my top three takeaways and then go over the intentions I set at the beginning of the year. Finally, I’ll end off with my intentions for 2026. This year felt both revolutionary and quiet. A chaotic storm and a peaceful sunrise. I’ve really begun growing into myself and my adult life. And I’ve also taken initiative to educate myself and seek the truth in a world that despises it. This year’s blog post is for you, Taya. Cheers!
1) Seek counsel from yourself
Conforming is instinctual. It’s in our nature to desire love, belonging, and community from others. Asking one to never conform would prove dangerous and potentially isolating. If one were to fail to whisper at the library, cut in line at the bakery, or suddenly drive on the wrong side of the road, this could evoke in onlookers a range of feelings from confusion to pure rage. However, as much as conformity is natural and the bedrock of a functioning society, there are limits to its positive influence. For one, I’ve realized how often I conform to things such as beauty standards, gender norms, and societal expectations. At some point in my life, as we all do, I internalized these social norms – the unwritten rules of how to behave and express oneself. Only when I heard these norms voiced out loud, specifically used to criticize me, did I comprehend the absurdity of it all. And once I noticed these rules, there was no going back. It was as if Pandora’s box opened a crack and my observations were let loose. I was overwhelmed by the flood of truth. How ridiculous, to place higher value upon that which is beautiful. What is beautiful? And who decides? Light skin and light eyes? Long hair, straight and fine? Soft plump lips? A small waist and wide hips? Those who don’t meet these criteria don’t deserve a second glance. I can’t help but think these rules weren’t created by chance. Having the privilege and access to be able to afford new clothes, wear more foundation, or wax your legs, might evoke feelings of being accepted to some degree. Perhaps that crumb of approval is enough to quiet the protests within one’s stomach, and along with it, the realization of how the ideology itself is inherently flawed. Although it’s difficult to untangle these beliefs and learned behaviors, it’s not impossible. Having asked myself what I would prefer in an imaginary environment where I wouldn’t be ignored, ostracized, or oppressed for my preferences, I began uncovering my authentic self. Little by little, I made adjustments. Opting to sport my favourite blushes without concealer, foundation, or mascara. Cutting my hair shoulder length to reduce energy spent tending to and styling. Canceling waxing appointments and throwing out my razor, to save myself precious time, money, and pain. Setting free my compassionate and gentle demeanour without fear of being taken advantage of, and welcoming my assertive and confident self without fear of being called a bitch. Although these acts themselves could be categorized into boxes like rebellious, radical, or feminist, I would much rather seek counsel from myself over the opinions of anyone else.
2) Exhibit gratitude and grace through every phase
If there’s one thing we can all agree on; life is uncertain. Nothing seems to be as stable, predictable, and consistent as the notion of uncertainty. I’ve never once been able to foresee how something would happen. And perhaps I lack intuition or missed my witchcraft lessons, but it seems to me, that despite my hunches and gut feelings, life still manages to bring along something unexpected and foreign. And thank God for that. How boring would life be if you could predict you wouldn’t be getting a raise next quarter and which Instagram reel you were about to see next. No, but seriously, imagine that kind of certainty. Life is foundationally unstable and fragile, and extraordinarily so. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to adopt an attitude rooted in gratitude and grace. Grateful of your opportunity to wake up again, drink in another breath of air, and feel the warmth of blood in your veins. Graceful in how you react to unexpected events, stressors, and difficulties. No matter how hard I’ve tried to in the past, I cannot remain in the same mood for an entire week, let alone months at a time. I sought a consistency within myself that isn’t realistically possible. My moods fluctuate in time with the moon, and that’s more than okay. I no longer run with the ambitious crowd. I veered off from the group at Burnout Ave and have decided that balance is a necessity that refuses to be ignored. At one of my yoga classes this year, as we assumed Child’s Pose during the yin part of the session, my favourite instructor said, “Rest isn’t optional – it’s biological.” That simple but powerful quote has stuck with me since. To honour my body and its biology, I must learn to rest when it whispers instead of reluctantly concede when it roars. I must express and create without hesitation when I feel a surge of motivation and inspiration. Welcome the tears but I must also welcome the joy. The times I’ve shown myself kindness and compassion when I was tired, sad, or stressed did not cure me of my afflictions, but it did relieve the pressure to feel or be something else. By exercising my gratitude muscles and practicing giving grace, I hope to become more proficient in both in the years to come.
3) Relinquish what’s familiar in pursuit of what’s fulfilling
Near the end of the year, I began disconnecting from my phone and all the applications that come with it. The phone revealed itself as the common denominator around my feelings of unfulfillment, regret, and procrastination. From the hours spent scrolling, being distracted from important tasks, and texting friends without plans to see each other, the device has become the most persistent impediment on a healthy, full life. First, social media had to go. Since I use various media platforms to promote my poetry, this was proven to be a tricky problem to solve. Nevertheless, with the support of family and the help of settings, I was able to decrease my screen time significantly. Once the responsibility to post wasn’t resting solely on my shoulders, and a viable solution to decrease time spent prepping, perfecting, and posting content was discovered, my life returned back into my hands. Along with changing my phone’s screen appearance to black and white, the algorithm’s best attempts at stimulating feeds, shocking posts, and addictive reels fell on disinterested eyes. Everything was less exciting in grayscale. I spent more time reading posts than simply being overwhelmed by colours and aesthetics. This shift was gradual but most definitely monumental. Next, I stopped using administrative apps like my calendar and notes. This was in great part thanks to my rekindled love for bullet journaling. I started noting down tasks and appointments by hand, and then thoughts and fragments of poems followed suit. Finally, and perhaps more heartbreakingly, I stopped replying to texts. The exchange of gray word bubbles began to feel inconsequential to the quality of relationships I had. So what if I messaged someone every couple days? It never seemed to add up to anything of meaning, let alone a friendship where one could confide one’s worries, laugh heartily over a good meal, or share personal anecdotes. I still haven’t cracked the code on meaningful connections in this technologically reliant age, but I have gained invaluable clarity with what does not work. So one could say that I’m abandoning or relinquishing that which is familiar in hopes of pursuing a more fulfilling lifestyle.
In my last recap blog post – The year she blossomed, I listed my intentions for 2025. Before I share my intentions for 2026, I wanted to reflect on last year’s intentions.
Intentions for 2025:
- Smile wrinkles > anxious wrinkles
- “There is no joy without gratitude.” – Brené Brown
- Fall in love with yourself.
- Health is success.
- Keep secrets.
- Let uncertainty be.
- Be you in love.
Oof, these are some good intentions from 2025. My mindset and actions from the last quarter of the year are the best reflection I have to show for these intentions. From August onwards I really fell in love with myself again, attended yoga lessons, and practiced gratitude more regularly and wholeheartedly than I ever have before. I’m still on my journey to become more joyful and learn how to surrender to uncertainty. I’m so proud of myself this past year, and I hope to continue becoming more of my authentic self!
For 2026 I’m setting new intentions, adding onto all my previous ones. They are as follows;
- Trust yourself.
- Read lots.
- Treat your body to more movement.
- Light returns without fail.
- Create.
- Live out in the world.
- Schedule rest and recovery.
Letter to future Taya,
You have my permission to be bored. You have my permission to be unmotivated. You have my permission to be careless and indulgent. You have my permission to be awful and unpleasant. You have my permission to neglect your inbox. You have my permission to leave things to the last minute. You have my permission to eat nutritionless food. You have my permission to mope about. You have my permission to feel low. You have my permission to feel dumb. You have my permission to be scared. You have my permission to be uncertain. You have my permission to lose belief in yourself. You have my permission to hate the world. You have my permission to be visionless. You have permission to be innovationless. You have my permission to be solutionless. You have my permission to fail.
But all I do ask is that you come back for more.
With the utmost adoration and respect,
Taya Shokker