when caution and self-preservation become ‘man hating’
When women assess real threats to their safety and well-being, the conversation often gets reduced to a familiar accusation: misandry.
Calling women’s justified caution as “man-hating” ignores a much more sinister and uncomfortable reality — women are responding to a widespread and well-documented pattern of gender-based violence and abuse.
Misandry is defined as the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against men or boys. But does a reasonable response to data that could save you from harm meet that definition?
As Andrew Bailey (@streetlighteyesdontdie) has argued, misandry is just the word we use to describe women’s reaction to misogyny.
Let’s make a few things clear.
According to UN statistics, 137 women and girls are killed every single day because of their gender. That means every ten minutes, a girl or woman is dead at the hands of an intimate partner or family member.
Ironically, home is statistically the most dangerous and unsafe environment for women. Should we really be calling that kind of environment a home?
Globally, 1 in 3 women will experience sexual assault or physical violence in their lifetime.
And yet when women respond to these clear realities by setting boundaries, questioning institutions like marriage, and prioritizing our independence, we are met with responses like:
“Not all men.”
“Misandry is the real problem.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Feminism ruined everything.”
When the truth is we’re not reacting enough.
In 2022, only 0.2% of global aid and development spending targeted gender-based violence. Out of 204 billion USD, only 408 million USD went towards reducing gender-based violence. Given the scale of the issue, it’s astonishing how little funding was used to address it.
To villainize women for interpreting the data as it is — that men pose a significant threat to women, that marriage or cohabitation can increase risk, and that men are responsible for so much physical and psychological harm to women — is absurd.
But I’m not surprised.
There are countless historical examples of women being villainized for simply existing. Women have been called witches, spinsters, prudes, and countless other offensive slurs meant to demonize and control them. Just add “man-hater” to the list.
Would you smile at, spend time with, and even marry someone who might do more than just laugh at or belittle you — someone who could actually kill you?
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”
— Margaret Atwood
That difference is crucial to understand, because what women are practicing is not hatred…
It is self-preservation.
It is threat assessment.
Sources:
Facts and figures: Ending violence against women | UN Women
Five essential facts to know about femicide | UN Women